Hello guys, unfortunately, there was no subject about parenting in our school or in our collage, therefore as parents, we end up doing something we never intend to do with our child at a first place.
Like, until you live in my house you have to obey my rules. Or there are 2 ways of doing things, my way or wrong way.
according to implicit memories, Later on in life, these things add up to their life & remain sharply etched.
there are 2 kinds of people in this world. one is driven by insults, fears & others motivation, positivity.
For instance, if you say to one child you are useless you can do it, then he will pick it & never do something in life or probably not going to listen to you next time. if you say the same thing to other kid he will probably take this as a form of motivation & act on it.
With keeping that in mind, today we will share some of the things you should never say to your child at any circumstances. So let’s get started….
1.Why can’t you be like …..?
The worst thing you can do with your child is comparing them with others. Comparisons between people is a recipe for unhappiness. Everyone has their own set of skill in this world. one person can’t be great at all the things. life isn’t a superhero movie.
when we compare ourselves to others, we end up focusing our energy on bringing them down instead of raising ourselves up.
Same goes with your child as well. You should never compare your child to others, instead encourage them to do something good, focus on their strengths & if they are doing likewise push them to go further. this bad thing often leads to siblings rivalry.
2.You are “the best” at
Never give them the title of the best at an early age of life. Cause you will never know about another child, same as your child, sitting at the other side of the world & want the same thing you want & also putting extra hour than your child.
After the internet, we all have become a world citizen. We all have the same opportunity as others. We are global now. Those days have gone when the information was only reserved for the rich or superwealthy.
This mistake can lead to being arrogant in life & trust & nothing is worse in this world than an arrogant child.
Instead, you can encourage them like, wow! You have made it so good let’s make another one. You need to implement this thought in your child is that the world doesn’t owe them anything. If they want something you have to get it by themselves.
3.You are just like us like mother or father
If it goes like this, “your mother/father was an amazing man & you are like them”, then it’s fine however, the problem is this term mostly use with a negative comment. Mostly common in divorce family to show their insecurities or poor traits.
Later on, in life, this has some terrible result in your child. like them being a stubbed or arrogant in front of others.
4.You can’t do this. You are useless
Forget about your child, even today if someone says this to you how would you feel? Not good, isn’t it? Think about the same situation from their perspective,
For instance, you have asked them to fill the glass water bottles & put them into the fridge, but unfortunately they have broken them. What would you do?
For sure, it’s tempting to want to help your child through something tough, but they need time to learn on their own. Automatically taking the reins isn’t going to help them learn. According to expert, It actually works against building confidence.”
5.Don’t eat this, you will get fat
This way you are just only implementing the idea of insecure of their body, which isn’t the case at an early age. for sure everyone should take care of their health, but this at an early age you should teach them about benefits of healthy eating, nutrition, food science, exercise not how much quantity should they put into their body.
Study shows that a child who constantly hears negative comments for their body, later on, have a lot more physical as well as mental health problem compare to others.
In order to solve this issue, you have to be healthy first. Set yourself as a role model, eat healthily, make a healthy environment around your house.
6.You are beautiful or ugly or ok
Every child is unique & beautiful in their own individual way.correspondingly you should not emphasise on their looks than their talents or behaviour.
Always encourage them to focus on internal beauty than external temporary beauty. Always tell them stories about great heroes, successful people who went from being broke to successful not based on their beauty or rather their talents.
Same with their feelings When a child is upset, don’t be too quick to immediate pointing out that everything is “okay”—first, make sure they know their feelings are valid. “Your kid is crying because he’s not okay. Your job is to help him understand and deal with his emotions, not discount them.
7.We are not rich, likewise, we can’t afford it
By saying this to your child you are just showing your inabilities of being an adult or you are not in control of your finances which make you looks like a negligent parent. or after saying it if you buy something expensive for yourself or for home, that can backfire.
Instead say something like, “this is not in part of our budget or we are saving money for something else.
8.Stop crying or suppress their emotions
How any time you have heard people saying to their baby boy
“BOYZ NEVER CRY’ plenty! Right?
In history have you ever heard any baby caring & after telling them not to cry they stopped crying? exactly NEVER! It never happens.
Suppressing one’s emotion can have a bad mental impact later-on in life. One should always let their emotion go.this doesn’t mean crying too much or reacting badly, instead express your felling to others & if needed ask for help.
9.Don’t talk to strangers
This is one secret of communication skill. If someone is only comfortable with their known circles like family friends, he/ she becomes isolated from society or the actual world.
If we don’t teach our child to how to talk to strangers, they might not ask for help when needed, like a police officer or a fireman. We don’t want our child to have any empathy for others.
Instead different scenario for your child and ask them what they would do & then teach them the proper way of doing things.
Like if someone comes to them and ask them for candy or something what they should do. You should also teach your child to trust her gut; Braun calls this listening to the “uh-oh” feeling. And that’s not only with strangers but also with familiar people since most sexual abuse of children is done by an adult whom a child already knows.
10.That’s only for boys or girls
If your baby girl likes to play with football, this fantastic! She might be a talented footballer one day or she might change her interest as she grows up. Or if your baby boy likes to play with dolls that haven’t got any problem either. The idea of one specific tool or toys referred to one specific group means nothing. This leads to discrimination later on in life which sometimes becomes toxic too.
11.You can be anything you want
We all want our children to be successful & happy in life.therefore, It’s time to cut the bulls**t.
For instance, your child wants to be a singer in life but can’t sing happy birthday properly. Your child going to be terribly disappointed in life since you tell them they can be whatever they want.
Your goal as a parent should be telling the reality as precise as possible.
Teach them the fundamentals of life PATIENCE, PRACTICE, PERSISTENCE etc. they can be a lot of things & fulfil their dream but they have to practise them constantly & need to work for them.
12.You are not enough
Telling them someone is not enough can be a good motivator but it doesn’t work for all, especially not in a child’s case. They are different thus most children take it in the wrong way & never do anything about it.
This leads not to try anything outside their comfort zone mentality later on in life , simply because you told so as a child. We recommend you always motivate your child & even if you are punishing them you should punish them in a positive way.
13.I will do everything for you
First & foremost, you can’t. cause in life you wouldn’t be available for them for the rest of their life. So it’s basically a lie.
Second, even if you can, it will be you sabotaging your own child. This leaves the child with no place to put their effort into anything.
Your goal is to make them self sufficient that they can do whatever they want without you.
Parents giving their child everything they want in one sitting is a problem & not giving anything at all is also a problem.
as we have mentioned in our introduction, You need to learn about your child type first, then act according to it.
14.You did great on your test, but why can’t you do that all the time.
When a compliment is immediately followed by a ‘BUT’, it places the focus on the negative instead of the positive. All the positive reinforcement, self-esteem boost, and motivation gained from the compliment are lost as soon as ‘BUT’ is uttered. Therefore, when you are giving someone complement, make sure you don’t add up the but part.
Speaking of perfection in all field, it’s IMPOSSIBLE & forget about child no human can do that. It is not something humans are build of.
This world is not like a video game or any superhero movies where the hero can do anything & it’s perfect. We share this world with almost 8 billion people. Everyone has their different values, different taste , a unique set of skill & many more. One human can’t do all the things perfectly. So please STOP living in fantasy & STOP saying this thing.
15.“Because I said so” or “Because I’m an adult and you’re a child”
The my way or the wrong way approach may have been used for a very long time but that does not make it the right way to discipline new generation children. Your parents have said you something doesn’t mean that will also fit to your child Although we learn a lot about parenting based on how we were raised.
It also makes children feel like their opinions aren’t valid simply because they are young, which isn’t a good thing at all cause they might be able to identify something which you are not.
You should make your point about, why you feel certain things are not good for them.
Here are some FAQs
What is a toxic parent?
Toxic means, Any negative behaviour that causes emotional damage or contaminates the way a person sees himself or herself. Toxic parents treat a child in such a way that life is all about them and everything they do (or want you to do) is done to satisfy their needs.
Is talking loud a sign of ADHD?
YES! sometimes, but not necessarily. ADHD aka Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a condition in which a person has trouble paying attention and focusing on tasks. It may begin in early childhood and can continue into adulthood. It is completely psychological & should be treated as such & can be cured over time. However, Adults with ADHD, Predominantly Hyperactive Presentation may talk excessively, exhibit restlessness, have difficulty waiting in line, and frequently interrupt others.
What is the hardest age for parents?
it depends upon culture to culture.for instance, American says in between age 6-10 is heard, where indians believe between age 12-16 is heard.
What are the 4 types of parenting styles?
1.Authoritarian or Disciplinarian – They use a strict discipline style with little negotiation possible. Punishment is common. 2.Permissive or Indulgent – Their discipline style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules and mostly let children figure problems out on their own 3. Uninvolved – Uninvolved parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way. 4. Authoritative – Disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained. most recommendable way.
What is Panda parenting?
A panda parent is someone, who gives their kids the freedom to do things their own way.
Now we have completed this article, we are curious to know. how many of this advice had you received as a child or anything special that you think is worth sharing let us know in the comments. & if you like this article don’t forget to share this with your friend or family. & as always good bye & take care.
